Nureki Chimuo Archive

I’ve received “advice” from various people over the years. Looking up the word “advice” in the dictionary at hand, it reads, “Kindly admonishing someone about their faults.” So that’s it; people were kindly trying to correct my “bad points.” I’ll write a little about those “kind” people. Since they were advising me, the other person was older than me. I was young. To summarize the “advice” I received from those people, it would be as follows. “You know, you can’t keep getting involved in this SM stuff forever. You’re a talented person, so you need to get out of this world quickly… If you don’t stop now, you’ll ruin yourself…” It was often said at drinking parties. The other person, drunk and relaxed, offers me their opinions and advice. “Once it becomes a habit, you won’t be able to quit. If you don’t quit now, you’ll become a real maniac.” I was told. At the time, I was hired for most of the shoots in the dozen or so SM magazines, tying up thirty female models a month. That meant I was tying up models almost every day. On top of that, I was writing almost two hundred manuscripts a month. After such shoots, I’d be invited by someone with years of editing experience to a bar, where I’d receive “advice.”

Even with a long career as an editor, his experience editing SM magazines was at most two or three years. This was back when the very publication of SM magazines was still in its infancy. “Huh, if I don’t stop now, will it be bad?” I nodded and bowed my head silently. He was the type who, if you foolishly argued back when he was drunk, would keep pestering you forever. “Yeah, you’ll be ruined. You won’t be able to live a normal social life.” As the “bondage specialist” on set and simultaneously as a writer of novels and essays, I’ve been working with this person for two years now. Yet they still don’t understand me at all. And I thought they didn’t understand SM either. “So, does A-san not enjoy his current company?” I asked. I’ll refer to that person as A-san for now. “Well, I like women, so getting to see plenty of them naked during shoots is fun for me,” A-san said, his eyes narrowing happily at that moment. He’s not a bad guy, I thought. He’s honest. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to get close to him. I’ve received this “advice” from three or four people since my late thirties through my forties: “If you don’t quit SM now, you’ll end up becoming the real thing.” Some said it earnestly, their faces showing genuine concern, so I remember it well. All of those people were involved in “SM magazines” or “SM videos.” That is, they were creators. Even though I thought it was pointless for the creator to say such things, I replied, “Yeah…” After all, no one would say such things to me now that I am elderly. SM itself, perhaps due to the flow of time, has crept into ordinary social norms in a strange way, gradually losing its heretical nature. According to someone, “SM has gained mainstream acceptance.” That’s how it is. SM, which has gained acceptance, is no longer SM. I often use the term “minority,” but minorities, contrary to any inferiority complex, secretly harbor a “pride.” They possess a “self-respect” that won’t yield to any authority. But, thanks to you, I can now tell young people, “If you keep reading SM magazines, you’ll become a real enthusiast.”

No one would offer such “advice,” nor would anyone receive it. (It’s lonely when there’s no one to say it to…) SM has degenerated to the point where no warning is needed. Look right or left, and it seems to have fallen into decay. Yet I have a feeling it will gradually crawl back up again. SM’s vitality is tenacious. After all, it’s human sexuality, and life itself. Back in my youth, I took about forty manuscripts to the editorial office of a certain SM magazine. The editor immediately spread my manuscripts out on his desk and read it. Then he gave some “advice.” “Hey, what’s this manuscript? Using such difficult characters won’t get readers to read it these days.” Speaking of which, that editor rewrote every instance of the character [繩] (rope) in my SM novel with a pencil, changing it to “ナワ.” The difficult character in question is 繩. It’s a novel I wrote. “Rope” appears many times. Right before my eyes, he carefully rewrote each instance as “nawa.” It might have been a dig at me. Just a few days earlier, I had been rather enthusiastically praising Kitan Club’s editor-in-chief, Yoshida Minoru, for his sincerity in the way he interacts with enthusiastic readers. Even as he changed each instance of “rope” to “nawa” right before my eyes, I protested not, enduring it silently. The editor-in-chief’s tone was hysterically harsh, feeling less like “advice” and more like “rebuke.” Each time a stroke of the character “rope” was erased, I felt a pain like a knife stabbing my chest. I will never forget the humiliation I suffered at that moment for the rest of my life. I felt this was not only an insult to SM, but also an insult to the Japanese language. This editor not only changed my written “rope” to “nawa”, but also rewrote every instance of “bind 「縛る」” as “shibaru 「しばる」.” Printing “binding with rope 「ナワでしばる」” doesn’t evoke the image of a bondage novel. However, this manuscript was typeset and published in the next issue of that magazine.

If you go to the Sex Industry Museum in Iidabashi and search the magazine shelves from over thirty years ago, you should be able to find my novel there. “Rope” is written as “nawa.” Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten both my pen name at the time and the novel’s title. This was an era before “SM Select,” “SM Fan,” or “SM Collector” had even appeared. That old magazine from over thirty years ago… Oh no, this is bad. Whenever I write like this, Nakahara Rutsu-san, the director of the Sex Industry Museum, will undoubtedly drop whatever she’s doing and start hunting down magazines from over thirty years ago that featured my novel where “rope” was written as “nawa” (that’s just the kind of person she is!). That would be a problem. The reason is that I have asked her to write the “explanatory essay” for my sixth book in the Kawade Bunko series, “Bondage: As Long as I Love,” which I will be publishing next. And yet, even after a month has passed, the “explanatory essay” still isn’t finished. In other words, it’s delayed. Please wait until you have finished writing that “explanatory essay” before searching for that old magazine from over thirty years ago. That old story is water under the bridge, so to speak, and frankly, I couldn’t care less about it. Do you understand, Director? Please, Director. Please write the commentary quickly. Huh? What was I writing about? Before I knew it, I’d gone off on a tangent again. Oh yes, I was writing about the “advice” I’d gotten from various “seniors” in the past. And I intended to write about my own fate for not heeding that “advice,” and then from there, to write about the person who said, “SM has gained acceptance,” which appears midway through this installment. Let’s keep going. “You really like SM, don’t you? Well, you certainly don’t seem to dislike it. But surely you’re not a fanatic? If you keep doing this forever, you’ll become one.” That’s what I was writing about, the “advice” I’d been given.

Their tone, of course, carried contempt for enthusiasts. At the very least, there was no sense of respect or affection toward them. Why do I keep getting such “advice” from others? I’ve thought about it. The editor-in-chief of a certain SM magazine at the time looked at my face thoughtfully and said, “Someone like you, bright, sociable, straightforward, with a healthy, positive outlook, and always so decisive, simply couldn’t be an SM enthusiast.” I felt a bit annoyed and retorted, “So you’re saying ‘enthusiasts’ are melancholy, gloomy, pessimistic, unhealthy, and indecisive people?” Then he replied, “Hmm, well, not all of them are like that, but there’s a certain gloomy, shadowy image associated with them. Somehow, I feel like there’s a common thread of being miserable and gloomy.” Come to think of it, the first words Yoshida Minoru, editor-in-chief of Kitan Club, said to me were, “There’s a brightness at the core of what you write, and that’s good. There’s a sense of salvation about it. Given the nature of the magazine, things tend to get gloomy and heavy, so your brightness is precious. Please write a lot. If you’re willing to change your pen name, I’ll publish you as much as you like.” That’s what he said. 1953 (Showa 28). I was twenty-three years old. The reason I began writing about various tastes using over a dozen pen names was because of these words from the editor-in-chief of “Kitan Club.” I appear cheerful at first glance (though it’s only at first glance), and I’m upbeat. I don’t cling to women either. For instance, after a shoot ends, I don’t hang around the model forever. I just say “Goodbye” and leave promptly. I’ve been like that since I was first hired as a bondage specialist. Maybe that’s why people thought I didn’t seem like a typical enthusiast. I was born and raised in Asakusa, and my parents were also born and raised in Asakusa. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’ve never encountered anything uncouth or seen a bald head, but my father raised me saying, “There are two kinds of men in this world; dullards and sophisticated men. Never become a dullard, even if it kills you.” (This guy is even more frivolous than I am.) Thanks to that, I’ve spent my entire life with an extremely cheerful, fickle, and care-free personality. Care-free, but never sophisticated.

Lacking any orthodox scholarship and devoid of substance, I excel at talking endlessly and obfuscating to confuse my audience. That’s why such “Talking Theaters” can be written effortlessly and smoothly. My SM stories lack depth or intensity. They’re bland. That’s why they’re not very interesting. I’m aware of it. I’ve been covering it up with the plot. Wait. I’ve gone off track again. That’s the mark of a frivolous person like me. I meant to write a bit more about those who “advised” me, saying, “You’re really not an enthusiast, are you? Quit while you’re ahead,” and secretly despised me, and then write about the person who said, “SM has gained acceptance.” But I’m too tired today. Director, please hurry up and write the “explanatory essay.” I beg you. With the kind permission of Mika Suzume-san, we are reprinting the feedback she shared with us. Inspired by the expressions in this feedback, the story expanded into Chapter 24 and Chapter 25. omment by Mika Suzume-sanComment by Mika Suzume-san Comment by Mika Suzume-san Sensei, I feel that the SM practiced by those who have gained social acceptance deviates from the essence of SM. SM as a form of sex, if you will – accessories like ropes and collars exist, but its essence is sex. No matter how harsh the torment, since it’s sex, it’s different from the SM I imagine. My perception of SM carries a dark, deathly image. It’s a repulsive, terrifying world that lays bare humanity’s ugliness and arrogance. Precisely because of this, I fear becoming completely immersed in the negative world of SM. I feel drawn to this world, but I might do something utterly reckless if I don’t hold back.

Such SM practices will never gain acceptance, and a society where they gain acceptance and can be openly practiced is, I believe, a dark society. People who take pleasure in tormenting or bullying others are the worst kind of human beings. But I have a kink where I feel aroused by doing or having such things done to me. More than happy expressions, it’s the look of sadness or pain that makes my heart race. But strictly speaking, it’s frightening when they truly seem sad or distressed. So in an S’s case, seeing an M’s expression, finding a look of joy within their sorrowful or pained expression, brings relief. It allows the S to believe that while they’re tormenting and teasing the M, they haven’t violated the M’s heart. I don’t think rough play is bad and gentle play is good. Whether rough or gentle, anything that doesn’t feel like SM is no good. There’s SM that’s no good even if you spank hard enough to leave bruises or perform acrobatic suspensions, and there’s SM that feels good even if you’re tied up simply with a single handkerchief. SM without elements of torment or abuse is uninteresting, and I don’t just dislike, I even feel hatred, toward those who focus solely on torment and abuse without any consideration towards the submissive. I think the “Kidnapping Prince29 is the absolute scum of the earth, and I despise such foolish people, but I understand the feeling that draws one to such things. At the very least, I feel more drawn to the Kidnapping Prince than to SM as a form of sex. But I hate him, and if it’s SM like his, then SM as a form of sex is far preferable. That’s why I want to engage with SM as “play” or acting; as fiction, not reality. While I was jotting this down, it turned into something incomprehensible, but I’m sure you’ll understand, Sensei. Delving deeper into SM talk, I find it difficult to express and get frustrated. I am fairly certain, though not entirely, this references a kidnapping case with SM themes. I’ve linked the relevant Wikipedia article.