Nureki Chimuo Archive

I don’t think this is worth writing down here, but just in case someone might misunderstand, I’ll add a few extra words.

This refers to the scene in the previous chapter, “The Horsetail Garden” where I, playing the role of a ruthless loan shark, gag the victim, a married woman named Hiromi (played by Hiromi Saotome) with a hand towel.

I’ve been performing scenes like this with Hiromi Saotome countless times for over decades now, so I tend to fall back into the familiar, rehearsed movements.

At that moment, Nakahara Rutsu, who serves as the production coordinator for this drama and occasionally acts as the director, immediately let out a sharp cry.

“Sensei, even though this is just acting, please put a little more strength into your fingertips and do it with more force. Your fingers are too gentle. With such superficial technique, we’ll never achieve a gag scene that is beautiful, pitiful, cruel, and sensual! Why is Tamaru gagging Hiromi in the first place?!”

Although the exact wording differs slightly, this is the gist of what Nakahara-san says as she scolds me.

(That is exactly it. It goes beyond a simple warning or instruction. It is the very voice of a scolding.)

I tense up as if I’d been smacked hard on the back of the head.

(All right, damn it, I’ll show her!)

care.

I put all my strength into my fingertips and tied the gag even tighter, with even greater

(Even back in my days at the Kinbiken, I never tied a gag this tight…)

In the end, thanks to Nakahara-san’s direction, it turned into a wonderful rope-tying scene that even I was captivated by, and all of us at Tomoshibi were satisfied with the result.

Not just satisfied, but thoroughly satisfied.

In particular, the behind-the-scenes video Nakahara-san shot of this scene is absolutely spectacular.

Personally, I can’t recall ever performing a bondage scene with such intensity and sensual beauty. It really made me groan from the bottom of my heart.

However, it was at this point that I thought I might be misunderstood.

After reading about the situation last time, I felt that some people might come to misunderstand it this way: “I see. So when it comes to SM-related shoots, whether it’s bondage or gagging, you just have to get really into it, put your all into it, and do it seriously. That’s the real deal. Only the real thing makes for a good production.”

I doubt there are actually any such idiots out there, but just in case, I’ll write the following unnecessary caution below.

No matter how fierce a look Director Nakahara might put on, or how harshly she might scold me, “The Horsetail Garden” is a drama, and the gag is just one scene written in the script.

And I am nothing more than an actor.

No matter how much I try to pursue realism, I have no intention of taking it 100 percent seriously and completely silencing Hiromi Saotome’s voice and mouth, and Nakahara-san knows that from the start.

(As for Saotome, if she really started having trouble breathing, no matter how tightly her hands were tied behind her back, she would surely struggle, kick me, and run away.)

We are filming a bondage drama. We are taking a fictional scenario seriously.

I wrote the following in my previous post as well.

“...Actually, at that moment, I was more concerned with the reaction of Hiromi Saotome, who was playing the married woman Hiromi. Saotome has a small face, and her mouth is small as well. When I shoved the white cloth gag forcefully into her mouth, it immediately reached her throat, causing her to struggle to breathe.

Watching Saotome’s expression change, I tensed my fingertips and performed the harsh gag scene Director Nakahara had intended…”

In every torture scene, I would stare intently at the woman’s expression and act out the torture in this way, but among the directors of adult SM videos, there was one who took it seriously and took pride in repeating torture scenes for long periods of time.

“If I put this much effort into it, going at it relentlessly with no holds barred, even the most hardcore fans will be satisfied and buy it, don’t you think?”

After filming wrapped up, that director said to me, puffing contentedly on a cigarette, but I didn’t even reply. I just stuffed my ropes into my bag and quickly fled the set. I couldn’t stand it.

There are others who, possessing nothing but this mindset and perspective, proudly declare, “I’m good at shooting SM videos.” They exist not only in the world of video but also in the world of publishing.

The people on the production company side who prefer to use this kind of SM content creator also don’t understand the true preferences of those called enthusiasts.

Because they don’t understand, there was a time when they churned out one video after another that looked like a cruel torture and genital torment contest.

However, I have never heard of any product that featured such lower-body exposure torture shows as its main attraction actually performing well commercially.

There is a significant disconnect between the SM scenes envisioned by SM enthusiasts and the producers who believe that scenes involving spreading the legs and inserting foreign objects are the very essence of SM. While they may seem similar, they are fundamentally different.

This disconnect will never align, no matter what. No matter how far they go, they will never align.

One side is the so-called “normal” majority that worships nothing but the female genitalia, while the other side worships and fixates on areas other than the female genitalia.

Oh dear, somehow the conversation has strayed off topic again.

I wasn’t supposed to be writing about this.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting old, but I find myself writing nothing but complaints. And always the same old complaints, at that.

In “The Horsetail Garden,” the gag that the unscrupulous loan shark (that is, me) places in the mouth of the unfortunate married woman Hiromi, no matter how realistic it may seem, is merely an act.

If it weren’t an act, there’s no way the knot could be tied so neatly, so perfectly shaped, with such sensual beauty, and yet with such intense passion.

And as for Hiromi Saotome, the one having the handkerchief tied around her mouth, the passion of a helpless, ill-fated married woman is imbued in her expression and her entire body. Anyone with an eye for such things would surely recognize this as a remarkable performance.

(As usual, I’m indulging in a bit of self-praise here.)

No matter how seriously, forcefully, or violently someone who cannot understand the sensations and passions of our deeply held SM pleasure preferences attacks us, their actions are merely crude and grotesque, and cannot move the hearts of gag enthusiasts.

It’s absolutely impossible.

So, this is not the kind of thing where you can just say, “If I do it with all my might, it’ll be the best,” and then forcefully, stubbornly overpower your partner’s resistance and go at it violently and aggressively.

That’s not it at all.

That kind of thing just won’t work.

That’s not the kind of SM we imagine, the kind enveloped in that sweet, honey-like, dreamlike pleasure.

Now that I’ve come this far, I can’t help but feel that even writing this sentence was a terrible waste of time.

Isn’t this something everyone already knows, even without me pointing it out now?

No matter how much I ramble on about it, those who understand already know it from the start, and those who don’t won’t get it no matter how much I explain.

It’s the realm of intuition, so there’s nothing to be done. Explaining it is simply a waste. It’s a futile, empty effort.

That’s why we mustn’t talk about our world of pleasure to those who don’t understand (and here I am, once again, thinking what I’ve believed for decades).

Rather than this, I’ve only written half of the shooting diary for “The Horsetail Garden.”

I’ve finally finished the first half.

I wonder where I veered off course and lost my way.

Next time, I must write the second half of “The Horsetail Garden.”